"But if from there, you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you seek him with all your heart and with all your soul." Deuteronomy 4:29
A few summers ago, the sanctuary, and most of our church, was transformed into Mount Everest for the annual Vacation Bible School. The children's ministry leaders displayed their creativity as igloos, mountains, and trees began to pop up all over the building. It was so amazing that we decided to keep the decorations up for the following church service so that everyone was reminded of what God had done at our church that week. It was pretty neat to lead worship amongst all the decorations too!
The previous few months had been hard on me, as I experienced a rollercoaster of emotions. I had never felt so built up, ripped apart, loved, or hated. And, it was all happening at the same time so my brain was going a little crazy. "Am I failing or am I excelling at life?" I kept asking myself. One minute something would happen that would send me to the mountaintop, and the next minute something would happen to hurl me into the valley.
That Sunday morning, as I was sitting, praying, and waiting for the rest of my worship team to come, my eyes rested on the giant cross on stage amidst the mountains and tents. "That's my goal," I thought to myself, "striving for the cross. No matter how I feel, I will continue to reach for the cross."
Maybe it was the mountain scenery, but as I reflected on this goal, I imagined myself standing center stage with a backpack on, determined to get to the cross. But, in my mind, I didn't stay standing for long. An unknown weight took my cute flowery backpack and shoved me to the ground. I wanted to get back up, but knew I was too weak. I couldn't get to the cross! "Get up!" I kept telling myself, "Get up!"
As my frustrated imaginary self just kept lying there, I sensed the word, Crawl. "What?" I thought to myself. "I need to get up. I need to be strong. I need to get to the cross. But, I don't know if I can." So, I stopped pleading with myself to get up, and found peace in this word. Crawl. Then, I reached my hand out to the cross, and started moving, inch by inch.
When you can't run, and you can't walk, Crawl. When the weight is too heavy on your shoulders, Crawl. When no one else is around to lean on, Crawl. No matter what obstacle or mountain is in the way, Crawl. When you are so tired, and have no energy, Crawl. When all you want to do is weep and give up, Crawl. Crawl, crawl, crawl. Inch by inch by inch.
I think sometimes we need to be reminded that crawling is okay. God doesn't expect us to always be strong. He doesn't expect us to be sprinting through life. He expects us to be seeking after Him no matter what, even if it means one hand after the other.
Maybe you are at a point in your life where tears are blinding your eyes, and you can hardly see the cross ahead. Or, maybe the weight is so heavy on your shoulders, there is no way you can stand up. Keep going! I am hesitant to say that if you keep crawling, you will eventually stand because maybe you won't, or maybe it will take years. Maybe you won't stand until you get to heaven, but the point is that you are doing everything you can to seek after God and trust Him with your life. Keep crawling and obeying.
Some of you may be reading this, and everything is great right now. You are standing up strong and maybe even running to the cross. But prepare your heart and your mindset for those times when you will need to crawl. Don't take for granted the strength that you have right now! And don't let yourself be too shaken when the time comes to crawl. God is still God, and the cross is still there, so just keep crawling.